Mr. Potato Head's Birthday

Don Rickles is 83 today. You go Don!


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Sign Sign Everywhere a Sign

It could be worse. At least the billboard didn't have the words "Mission Accomplished" sprawled across it.

From the Timesonline.com:

Gordon Brown's YouTube fightback (shame about that swastika though)

Gordon Brown was ready once more to try to focus his Government and the country on key issues such as the economy and swine flu rather than his party’s internal problems. Gordon Brown was ready once more to try to focus his Government and the country on key issues such as the economy and swine flu rather than his party’s internal problems.

...Mr Brown somehow was allowed to be photographed in front of a wall with children’s images of the Second World War, including several swastikas, at Prendergast-Hilly Fields College in Lewisham, southeast London. The images were part of a school project entitled Life in Nazi Germany and there were other displays in the room, such as Life in Rome, but Downing Street defended its handling of the visit, arguing that it would have been a bigger story if it had asked the pupils to take their work down.

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Dammit!

If they outlaw dams, only beavers will have them.

From The Daily Express:

BOY'S DAMS IN STREAM BANNED... BECAUSE OF 'FLOOD RISK'

A BOY of six has been ordered by a council to stop building pebble dams in a stream – in case they trigger a flash flood.

It has warned ­Daniel Johnson’s ­father Rob that the little piles of pebbles could block the brook and cause a “major ­disaster”.

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Speed Reading

According to LiquidGeneration:

"I bet you didn't think it was possible to fit the 100 greatest movie lines into 200 hundred seconds. We've got the video to prove you wrong."

A decent effort. But, right off the bat I would have dropped "May the Schwartz be with you" from Space Balls and the Weird Science quote (which I could hardly hear) and replaced them with "It's the Chicago way" from The Untouchables and "Prove it" from Shane.


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Obama-USA?

Why do you think they call it dope? (BTW, I'm ridiculing the drug dealers not the Prez).

From KRGV.com:

Drug Dealers Mocking President Obama

A police chase in Peñitas ends in a load of drugs, but what police say they've never seen is what the smugglers wrote on the bundles of marijuana.

Peñitas Police Chief Oscar Ontiveros says written on top of some of the packages were the words "Obama-USA" and "Obama-USA, Calderon-Mexico."

Investigators say the message may have something to do with President Obama's recent trip to Mexico.

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Don't Taz Me Blue

From Sportsillustrated.com's "Hot Mustard" section:

"the full version of the courtroom video in which the guy in the wheelchair freaks out. It's notable for two things. One, one of the cops uses a Taser on another cop by accident. Two, the way the guy in the wheelchair was muzzled after his outburst."

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Busted

Yet again the New Yorker "Cartoon Caption" contest #190 was an edifice of futility.

I'll grant that my entry was just okay:

So that's what "overseas contingency operation" means.

But, I don't think that ANY of the "winners" really address what's shown in the cartoon. That being a osterich with it's head in the sand REPLACING a charging bull.

• "If we just ignore it, maybe it'll go away." - too obvious
  
  
  
• "The statue of the lemmings was just too depressing." - ZZZZZ
  
  
  
• "I think the head's in the wrong place." -  to be fair, I got got a chuckle out of that one

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Pike's Peak

Timed for Friday's release of the new Star Trek movie/reboot, CBS has released the remastered version of the original Trek television pilot "The Cage" which starred Jeffrey Hunter as Captain Christopher Pike. I've often wondered how a Pike helmed Star Trek would have played out.

From Trekmovie.com:

Star Trek wouldn’t exist without “The Cage.” In fact, that applies right down to JJ Abrams’ new Star Trek, which takes one of its key characters not from the familiar Enterprise crew headed by Kirk and Spock, but by their predecessor, Captain Christopher Pike.

Pike was the captain of the Enterprise in the original Star Trek pilot—in effect, he was the lead character in a show that did not sell to the network and never got made. It was Gene Roddenberry’s second attempt at a Trek pilot, “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” written by Samuel Peeples, that sold the series.

Teaser:


FX Reel:

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The Smoking Pig

I think "The Smoking Pig" would be a great name for a blog, bar or rock band.

From Wired.com:

Swine Flu Ancestor Born on U.S. Factory Farms

Scientists have traced the genetic lineage of the new H1N1 swine flu to a strain that emerged in 1998 in U.S. factory farms, where it spread and mutated at an alarming rate. Experts warned then that a pocket of the virus would someday evolve to infect humans, perhaps setting off a global pandemic.

...We haven’t found evidence of infected pigs,” said Ian Lipkin, a Columbia University epidemiologist and member of the World Health Organization’s surveillance network. “But even if we never find that smoking pig, we can surmise that this is probably where it came from.”

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Take My Governor, Please!

Sure, Comerica, Pfizer, Brunswick, Manufacturer's National Bank, National Bank of Detroit, Upjohn, Gerber, Kmart have all left.  But dammit, she's staying.  Well, why quit when you're behind?

From Freep.com:

Granholm responds to Supreme Court speculation

Jennifer Granholm says she plans to finish her term as Michigan’s governor, brushing aside speculation that she could be a potential nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court.

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And They Have a Plan

A friend forwarded this to me with "It Has Begun" as the subject line.

From The Local:

Robot attacked Swedish factory worker

A Swedish company has been fined 25,000 kronor ($3,000) after a malfunctioning robot attacked and almost killed one of its workers at a factory north of Stockholm.

...The incident took place in June 2007 at a factory in Bålsta, north of Stockholm, when the industrial worker was trying to carry out maintenance on a defective machine generally used to lift heavy rocks. Thinking he had cut off the power supply, the man approached the robot with no sense of trepidation.

But the robot suddenly came to life and grabbed a tight hold of the victim's head. The man succeeded in defending himself but not before suffering serious injuries.

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Live By the Photo Op...

Tell people about it beforehand? No, that's what they'd be expecting us to do (ominous music).

From New York Daily News:

Plane stupid: Mayor Bloomberg outraged over military photo-op involving low-flying presidential jet

...A perfect storm of idiocy led to a frightening 9/11 flashback for thousands of New Yorkers Monday when a jumbo jet and an F-16 fighter jet buzzed lower Manhattan without warning.

A "furious" Mayor Bloomberg denounced the dunces who dreamed up the stunt - and the NYPD officials and bureaucrats who never told him about it.

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Desperately Watching Susan

YouTuber "truvelocity" actually posts a video showing ONLY her reaction to the Susan Boyle performance. The end is near, I can feel it.


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Homeward Bound

Jacoby Ellsbury steals home to score against the Yankees (with bases loaded and two outs no less). Regardless of team affiliation, the act of stealing home plate, when the pitcher is actually throwing the ball TO the catcher right next to the batter (who is hopefully paying attention), is an amazing thing to watch.


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Better Never Than Late

The good news, one of my entrees finally made it to the finals of the New Yorker "cartoon contest" (189).


I submitted this:

"Gesundheit."

The bad news is that this is a little too obvious because someone else got the same entry in before me.

• "Gesundheit." - gets my vote (the lucky bastard!)
  
  
• "Congratulations—it's a porcupine." - that's just gross.
  
  
• "Most people are reassured after three or four." - nice try, no cigar.

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Pot Meet Kettle

I hope Nancy Pelosi argues as hard for an investigation on herself as she has for others.

From the Washington Post (12/9/2007)

Hill Briefed on Waterboarding in 2002

In Meetings, Spy Panels' Chiefs Did Not Protest, Officials Say

In September 2002, four members of Congress met in secret for a first look at a unique CIA program designed to wring vital information from reticent terrorism suspects in U.S. custody. For more than an hour, the bipartisan group, which included current House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), was given a virtual tour of the CIA's overseas detention sites and the harsh techniques interrogators had devised to try to make their prisoners talk.

Among the techniques described, said two officials present, was waterboarding, a practice that years later would be condemned as torture by Democrats and some Republicans on Capitol Hill. But on that day, no objections were raised. Instead, at least two lawmakers in the room asked the CIA to push harder, two U.S. officials said.

"The briefer was specifically asked if the methods were tough enough," said a U.S. official who witnessed the exchange.

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Blame Canada!

Janet Napolitano kinda looks like South Park's Mrs. Broflovski.

From CTV.CA:

U.S. security boss clarifies comments about border

The U.S. Homeland Security chief has clarified earlier remarks that suggested the 9-11 terrorists entered the U.S. through Canada.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano made the comments during a media interview earlier this week, much to the chagrin of Canadians on both sides of the border.

BTW, I just caught the funniest line: "...and that bitch Ann Murray too!"

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Fresh Air, Times Square

In honor of "Earth Day" AND Eddie Albert's birthday (which many cite as the reason why April 22nd was chosen as the date for "Earth Day") I've posted the lyrics to the opening theme of Green Acres.

There's no YouTube, but you can hear it at Television Tunes.

Green acres is the place to be
Farm living is the life for me
Land spreading out,
so far and wide
Keep Manhattan,
just give me that countryside.

New York is where I'd rather stay
I get allergic smelling hay
I just adore a penthouse view
Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue.

The Chores

The Stores

Fresh air

Times Square

You are my wife. Goodbye city life.

Green Acres, we are there!

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Sounds Fishy to Me

Once again I took the bait and entered the 188th New Yorker "Cartoon Caption Contest."



I won't complain too much as my submission is a horrible pun:

"No one can say my Steinway is out of tuna."

But, none of the winners smell like a rose either:

• "This song goes out to the one that got away." - Ugh!
  
  
• "And every year they return to my piano to spawn and die." - This can't be one of the top three funniest
  
  
• "Any requests before I tell you about tonight's specials?" - Not bad, not good either, but not bad

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What'choo talkin' 'bout Alfie

YouTubber "MontyPropps" puts a Hitchcockian spin on the Different Strokes titles with new music because, as he claims, he was "bored on Friday."


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Be Cool

Global Warming: the new millenium's "killer bees."

From News.com.au:

Antarctic ice is growing, not melting away

ICE is expanding in much of Antarctica, contrary to the widespread public belief that global warming is melting the continental ice cap.

The results of ice-core drilling and sea ice monitoring indicate there is no large-scale melting of ice over most of Antarctica, although experts are concerned at ice losses on the continent's western coast.

...Ice core drilling in the fast ice off Australia's Davis Station in East Antarctica by the Antarctic Climate and Ecosystems Co-Operative Research Centre shows that last year, the ice had a maximum thickness of 1.89m, its densest in 10 years. The average thickness of the ice at Davis since the 1950s is 1.67m.

A paper to be published soon by the British Antarctic Survey in the journal Geophysical Research Letters is expected to confirm that over the past 30 years, the area of sea ice around the continent has expanded.

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A Moving Violation

This is a useless, yet perfect, story: one of the neighbors who complained about this couple's loud love-making was partially deaf and the husband "escaped prosecution because he was less noisy than his more enthusiastic wife."

From News.com.au:

Noisy sex recordings played in court

A WOMAN has been slapped with an Antisocial Behaviour Order after magistrates were forced to sit through tapes of her loud love-making sessions.

Caroline Cartwright, 47, was also fined £515 after being found guilty of breaching a noise abatement notice served on her after 25 complaints to police about her marathon sex romps with husband Steve.

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For What It's Worth, I Loved "Sky Captain"

Ben Connelly's ambitiously titled: "The Ten Most Influential Films of The Last Ten Years" from Slashfilm.com:

"Are these the ten most influential films of the last ten years? I think they might just be. Disappointingly, I really don’t like four of them. I’ve also cheated and only included English language films."

While I don't buy into to ALL of it, he raises some good points. The Sixth Sense is, perhaps, a big omission. Likewise, the first entry in the "reboot" genre: Batman Begins.

But, how can I argue with someone who says "if you think there was a single original idea in The Matrix, you’ve been had."

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
"Sky Captain is on the list for kick-starting green-screen mania."

The Bourne Ultimatum
"exemplifying and honing two different things: the ‘running man camera’ action scenes, which is now the norm; and the rapid-fire cross cutting between an alarming amount of different angles."

Traffic
"popularizing a narrative paradigm I think we’ll be seeing a lot of"

My Big Fat Greek Wedding
"is on the list for its release strategy and resulting success...The pseudo-indie wings of studios would probably never have taken flight without this particular puff of wind."

Polar Express
"motion capture is now here, and is not going anywhere"

Rushmore
"stamping Wes Anderson’s style, in its most successful form, onto the broad pop culture"

The Matrix
"badly repackaging the good ideas and techniques of better films and filmmakers (that means you, Gondry and Fassbinder and Cronenberg and… and… and…) and rendering them cliché."

Children of Men
"taking several elements, be they separate shots or FX pieces, and sewing them together into long, seemingly unbroken ‘takes’. "

The 40 Year Old Virgin
"the acorn from which the grand Apatow oak has grown"

Coraline
"The most exciting thing about stereo cinema, I’d say, is not that extra dimension creates a 'more real' reality but that it gives even more ways to control this reality to the filmmakers."

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Fouts Doesn't Flout

Winner of the "Restore My Faith in Human Nature" award.

From The Detroit Free Press:

Warren mayor wanted a speeding ticket, and he got it

While most drivers would welcome a warning instead of a ticket after getting nabbed for speeding, Warren Mayor Jim Fouts felt slighted.

So the first-term mayor, after mulling over the verbal warning, insisted Warren Police issue him a ticket for speeding to City Hall in his new Dodge Charger on Monday.

"Government officials aren't above the law," Fouts said Thursday. "There's a perception that it's not what you know, but who you know. If I don't respect the law, how can I expect others to?"

Fouts paid the $100 fine Wednesday for driving 5 m.p.h. over the speed limit on 12 Mile Road near Ryan and pledged to "watch my speed while driving."

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Now THAT'S a Law Suit

OUCH!

From the Associated Press:

American Apparel slams Woody Allen's sex life

A clothing company known for its racy ads is fighting a $10 million lawsuit brought by Woody Allen, arguing that it can't have damaged his reputation by using his image because the film director has already ruined it himself.

The 73-year-old Allen started the fight against American Apparel Inc. when he sued the company last year for using his image on the company's billboards in Hollywood and New York and on a Web site.

..."Certainly, our belief is that after the various sex scandals that Woody Allen has been associated with, corporate America's desire to have Woody Allen endorse their product is not what he may believe it is." [American Apparel's lawyer, Stuart Slotnick]

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One for You, Nineteen for Me

In honor of today's tax filing deadline, I'm proudly posting The Beatles "Tax Man."

For what it's worth, I won't be at any tea parties. BUT, I'd love to get a protest going against the new federal tobacco tax. Send me any number of cigars and I'll personally make sure that they are SLOWLY burned in effigy. FIGHT THE POWER!


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Ths s Rlly Fnny!

My idea would be "Uno." One word tweats.

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Somali Syndrome

This Reuters story on the dramatic rescue of the Captain Richard Phillips from his pirate captors bugged me.

For the most part it was a straightforward account.

U.S. Navy rescues captain, kills Somali pirates

The U.S. Navy shot dead three Somali pirates and rescued cargo ship captain Richard Phillips on Sunday from a lifeboat off the coast of Somalia where he was being held captive, ending a five-day standoff.

But near the end, the article almost seems to be lamenting the end of the "peaceful pirate" era (bold added):

Andrew Mwangura, coordinator of Mombasa-based East African Seafarers Assistance Program, said the rescue would change the stakes in future pirate attacks.

"This is a big wake-up to the pirates. It raises the stakes. Now they may be more violent, like the pirates of old," he said.

So far, pirates have generally treated hostages well, sometimes roasting goat meat for them and even passing phones round so they can call loved ones. The worst violence reported has been the occasional beating and no hostages are known to have been killed by pirates.

The "occasional beating?"

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The Plowshare is Mightier Than the Sword

In the 1960's, the U.S. government created "Project Plowshare" a program tasked with the investigation of peaceful uses for nuclear explosions such as: canals, mining, space exploration, and (no joke) disposing of nuclear waste itself. (From Wired.com)


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Obowma-Gate

I think that Obama should fire the "aide" and hire whoever quipped: "“He wasn’t bowing . . . he was ducking in case someone threw a shoe.”

From Chicago Sun-Times:

Did Obama bow to Saudi king?

A photo of President Obama apparently bowing in front of King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia is stirring a royal-size controversy.

...An Obama aide speaking anonymously denied that the president was bowing.

“It wasn’t a bow. He grasped his hand with two hands, and he’s taller than King Abdullah,” the aide was quoted as saying by Politco.com Wednesday.

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Rain of Terror

Here's another idea: Admiral Nelson could have the Seaview fire rockets at the Van Allen radiation belt.

From Forbes.com:

Obama looks at climate engineering

The president's new science adviser said Wednesday that global warming is so dire, the Obama administration is discussing radical technologies to cool Earth's air.

John Holdren told The Associated Press in his first interview since being confirmed last month that the idea of geoengineering the climate is being discussed. One such extreme option includes shooting pollution particles into the upper atmosphere to reflect the sun's rays. Holdren said such an experimental measure would only be used as a last resort.

It's got to be looked at," he said. "We don't have the luxury of taking any approach off the table."

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Turf War

Racist? No. Stupid? Yes.

From NY Daily News:

Hairy uproar over drugstore Obama

New Yorkers may soon get a chance to say hail to the Ch-Ch-Chia Obama at local drugstores.The grassy-headed figurine of President Obama was pulled from Walgreens shelves in Chicago and Tampa after some people called it racist and company brass decided the new collectible was wrong for their image.

...[founder] Pedott said he was stung by suggestions that there was something racist about Chia Obama, which, if left untrimmed, appears to give the 44th President a healthy, if very green, Afro.

"Since when is an Afro racist?" asked Pedott, a Republican who voted for Obama. Owners can trim Chia Obama's "hair" to any length they want, he added.

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So Shall It Be Written...

Except for the 2nd one, the winners of The New Yorker "Cartoon Caption Contest" #186 should be banished to the desert for 40 years.

Moses is CLEARLY holding up a Chinese restaurant menu.  Thus, my entry:

"So, we just have to obey five commandments from column A and another five from column B, right?"

However, all but one of the finalist missed that point:

• "And for you goats—thou shalt not marry a dragon or an ox." - WTF?
  
  


• "And Commandments Eleven to Twenty are the same as One to Ten, just with tofu instead of meat." - can't complain, at least he got the menu thing.
  
  


• "Read quickly. These are really heavy." - the New Yorker cartoon judges really suck!

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Winston Smith's Diary

Not that anyone noticed, but yesterday, April 4th, was the twenty-fifth anniversary of Winston Smith's first journal entry in the dystopian novel 1984 by George Orwell.

My friends over at The House Next Door allowed me to commemorate the "occasion" with this post:

Last Night to the Flicks: 1984

"April 4th, 1984. Last night to the flicks. All war films. One very good one of a ship full of refugees being bombed somewhere in the Mediterranean. Audience much amused by shots of a great huge fat man trying to swim away with a helicopter after him, first you saw him wallowing along in the water like a porpoise, then you saw him through the helicopters gunsights, then he was full of holes and the sea round him turned pink and he sank as suddenly as though the holes had let in the water, audience shouting with laughter when he sank."

So begins the diary of Winston Smith, arguably one of literature's most famous journals, from 1984, written by Eric Blair—whose better-known pseudonym was George Orwell...

(Full post at The House Next Door)

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I Prefer NAPping

I love the acronym: WILB ("workplace Internet leisure browsing"). I guess they couldn't come up with one for SCREWING AROUND.

Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

From Wired.com:

Facebook, YouTube at Work Make Better Employees: Study

Caught Twittering or on Facebook at work? It'll make you a better employee, according to an Australian study that shows surfing the Internet for fun during office hours increases productivity.

The University of Melbourne study showed that people who use the Internet for personal reasons at work are about 9 percent more productive that those who do not.

Study author Brent Coker, from the department of management and marketing, said "workplace Internet leisure browsing," or WILB, helped to sharpened workers' concentration.

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Sour Apples

WAY back in September of 2007, I blogged about the iPhone early adopters who were miffed over it's sudden drop in price not long after its introduction. Ever the cynic, I got a chuckle out of it and singled out Jeremy, a self-described "savvy consumer," who posted a comment on Apple's discussion forum.

Apparently, someone who claims to be that same Jeremy (I have no reason to doubt it, I just can't verify it) found my post and replied to it the other day. How he found it I'm not sure. I can only guess that he googled his name.

To be fair, I've copied the entire comment below (bolds added). I only have three things to say in response.

1. I don't think I'm an "ever-so-cool blogger". Smart ass, yes. Cool, no.
   
   
2. I still manage to survive without an iPhone.
   
   
3. The worse part of this entire episode is that when I googled Jeremy's name, my blog didn't show up until the THIRD page. Now THAT makes me feel screwed.

Here's Jeremy's comment:

Apple isn't the typical gadget company who intros a product and then drops the price. It was a total shock to see them do so, enough that Steve Jobs had to release a statement and give everyone some cash back. Apple has not before, or since, done the same thing with a product. I didn't buy the iPhone to be 'the first on my block' - and this is my problem with people like you. You assume everyone else is a sheep while you, the ever-so-cool blogger are fighting the herd by going your own way.

I've been a fan of Apple since 1986 when I used my 1st Mac. The iPhone was YEARS in the making (and waiting) for people who knew Apple could do 'the phone' in a way no one else could. As device convergence grew in demand, the desire grew for Apple to do what they do best... INNOVATE. The iPhone was one of those things that you always hope for, but realize might not ever happen. Sort of like hoping your favorite sporting team will win a championship... you often wait YEARS for the chance to be part of that. Or they finally get there and blow it (as a guy living in Ohio, I can
attest to that.). A couple times. In a row.

LOL - I love the title of your "article". iScrewed. Too funny. In addition to being an early adopter and getting to play with a phone that is WAY ahead of it's time 2 years ago, I also got a letter from the CEO apologizing for the sudden drop in price and an Apple Gift Card to make up for it. I'm waiting to hear what other company on the
planet would have done the same for their early adopters.

The only one who ended up getting screwed were people like you who made fun of everyone else while cheating yourself out of what is now the standard for handheld communication. - Jeremy

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Military Industrial Simplex

(posted as part of the 3rd Annual White Elephant Blogathon at Lucid Screening)

Automatons - 2006 (B/W - 83 mins)
Director: James Felix McKenney
Writer: James Felix McKenney
Christine Spencer (The Girl)
Angus Scrimm (The Scientist)
Brenda Cooney (The Enemy Leader)


No sooner had I submitted my post for last year's "White Elephant Blogathon" that gave my reasons for why I thought Only the Strong was a bad film when I received this scathing comment from an apparent fan:

WOW! you are one harsh SOB aren't you?? Is there ANYTHING that you DO like? Let's see you go out and make a movie and let US tell you what we think about YOU! Let's see if you can do it better !!

While this really didn't change my opinion, it did remind me that, regardless of merit, certain films have blindly loyal followings.

So, before I watched Automatons, a low budget sci-fi flick replete with battling robots, I had to take a deep breath and try to cleanse my mental palette. Being selected as a "White Elephant" entry is no doubt a pejorative. I wanted to let the film soak in without any preconceived notions. Complicating things was the fact that I had just seen the Battlestar Galactica finale where the skirmishes between humans and Cylon toasters (both old and new style) reached epic, state-of-the-art computer generated proportions.

I tried to keep an open mind. I really did. But, alas, after the dust had settled (literally), Automatons left me unmoved. I give the film an "A" for effort and enthusiasm, but still a "C-" for execution (that's grading on the curve too).

The plot, as summarized on the Automatons site (yes, there's a website) is as follows:

Somewhere in the distant future, The Girl (Christine Spencer) is alone. She is the last of her people, the others having died in a generations-long war that she continues to fight with the assistance of a group of antiquated robot helpers and soldiers.

Her only connection to her long-dead people is a collection of recorded journal entries made by the scientist (Angus Scrimm) who cared for her as a baby. His is the only friendly human face she’s ever seen. The regular transmissions from her enemy’s leader (Brenda Cooney) are always filled with threats and taunts. The girl responds to these invasions by attack of her own, carried out by her mechanical soldiers on the contaminated surface where no human can survive.

Men started this war. The machines will finish it.

It's clear that director James Felix McKenney was operating on a shoe-string budget. And he makes good use of it for the interiors. Just as Night of the Living Dead cleverly employed news broadcasts to advance the narrative, Automatons, which (except for the miniature exteriors) takes place entirely in an underground robot workshop, employs a similar device. The girl watches log recordings from her dead scientist mentor in which he outlines the history of how mankind ended up in its current state. Angus Scrimm does a great job with these mini monologues and his appearances work quite well as a film within a film. The manner in which he changes demeanor with each subsequent entree effectively captures the mood of the progressing storyline.

As director McKenny says in a press kit for the film (yes, it has a press kit), he was clearly inspired by 50's sci-fi outings:

AUTOMATONS is the robot film as I imagined it: men in robot suits combined with primitive models duking it out in a post apocalyptic wasteland. It’s in black and white, with bits here and there that are a little hard to see, just like on my TV set as a kid. And of course, there’s the bad dubbing and the low budget look required of every

B-movie. As with the many classic genre film is (sic) emulates, AUTOMATONS has a message about humanity’s tendency toward self-destruction and a cast of new and familiar faces.

The workshop scenes did indeed have the feeling of those old movies I used to watch as a kid on rainy Saturday afternoons. The production design even evoked memories of the original Outer Limits series (high praise indeed).

The problem I had with Automatons is that it really doesn't go anywhere and takes a LONG time doing it. Besides the video diaries (which, I repeat, worked great), we basically watch "the girl" soldering parts for the robots and fending off random electronic attacks from "the enemy leader" that cause the automatons to go buggy for a few seconds. By the time the "surprise" is revealed, that the war was the result of a big misunderstanding and really shouldn't have been fought in the first place (sort of a cross between The Huffington Post and Famous Monsters of Filmland), my interest had already faded.

BTW, the surprise is revealed to the audience through one of Scrimm's video logs that the girl happens to miss while her attention is elsewhere. The plot problem I have with this is WHY didn't she just watch ALL of the videos at once. Instead the girl rations them one at a time like someone with a low-end Netflix account. Had she viewed them all, she would have realized the folly of her ways and avoided the disastrous robot battle at the end. But then again, had she done that, she would have realized the folly of her ways and avoided the disastrous robot battle at the end. Which is why McKenny said he made the film in the first place.

This brings me to the title characters. The robots are WAY too cheesy looking to take seriously. To be fair, I sympathize with McKenney for not having the budget to do better. But, gee whiz! They look more like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz than killer machines. And the miniatures don't come across much better (see trailer below). McKenny lingers way too long on each shot. I was reminded of a high budget sci-fi film, 2001: A Space Odyssey. There's a scene where Astronaut Bowman uses the mechanical arms of the pod to open an airlock door that seems to go on forever. Every one of miniature exteriors in Automatons is paced like that. Just not as pretty to look at.

Once the final battle outside is over, the girl and her bots siege the enemy camp. Which looks like another underground workshop. The automatons sadistically slaughter the human inhabitants with spikes, saw arms, death rays, etc. For a film whose message is ostensibly about the horrors of war, there seemed a bit too much of an "ain't it cool" celebration of it.

Ultimately, the enemy leader finds herself pinned to a wall with a giant metal pipe sticking out of her chest. Yet, she musters up the strength to explain to the girl how much of a dupe she's been for waging the robot war for so long. I mean, it was a pretty serious looking pipe she has sticking out of her midsection and she's wasting time yelling at the girl. Anyway, as a last ditch effort, the pinioned combatant brandishes what looks like the control unit to a motorized race car set and threatens to unleash an electronic disruptor that will shut down all the robots unless the girl withdraws. As expected, the girl doesn't withdraw, fires a shot instead, and the enemy leader pushes the button. The dead enemy leader gets her final revenge as all of the machinery shorts out and stops. This includes life support equipment that the girl needs to survive in the toxic atmosphere. Of course, I'm still not sure why the girl didn't just wait. From the looks of her injuries, the enemy leader only had a few minutes to live. Did I mention there was a GIANT metal pipe sticking out of her chest? The last shot shows the poor doomed girl in the dark looking out a window at the barren landscape (actually, that shot worked pretty well).

Having said all of that, could I have done better? I dunno. But I do know this: for all its faults, Automatons is still WAY better than Only the Strong!


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E-Vox Pop

As with their previous "we own all content" stance, Facebook blinks once again.

From CNN.com:

Facebook changes coming in response to user complaints

...Facebook has been deluged with feedback on its new layout, much of it negative but constructive, according to a blog posted Tuesday by Product Director Christopher Cox. Hundreds of thousands of people gave the redesign a thumbs-down in a user poll. And groups like "MEMBERS WANT THE OLD FACEBOOK BACK!" have formed to voice their discontent. While the social network isn't reverting back to the old page design, they are making a handful of changes to appease some of the outraged masses, according to Cox, who has also worked as director of human resources and software engineer at the company.

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False Alarm

The LA Times reports that despite the report like the one below, "the California Air Resources Board said Friday that it has no plans 'at this time' to regulate car paint as part of a plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions — and never intended to outlaw black cars in the first place."

Thank goodness because "Men in Mud Puddle Brown" sounds no where near as cool as MIB.

From Autoblog:

California to reduce carbon emissions by... banning black cars?!

In a move that will likely get California's consumers in a huff, impending legislation may soon restrict the paint color options for Golden State residents looking for their next new vehicle. The specific colors that are currently on the chopping block are all dark hues, with the worst offender seemingly the most innocuous color you could think of: Black. What could California possibly have against these colors, you ask? Apparently, the California Air Resources Board figures that the climate control systems of dark colored cars need to work harder than their lighter siblings – especially after sitting in the sun for a few hours.

...can't paint suppliers just come up with new, less heat-absorbent dark paints? According to Ward's, suppliers have reportedly been testing their pigments and processes to see if it's possible to meet CARB's proposed mandate of 20% solar reflectivity by 2016 with a phase-in period starting in 2012, and things aren't looking good. Apparently, when the proper pigments and chemicals are added to black paint, the resulting color is currently being referred to as "mud-puddle brown."

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There's No Such Thing as Bad PR

I never noticed this before, but "Redstone" backwards almost spells "murder" (OMINOUS MUSIC).

From Comcast News:

Rumors bites! Headmaster denies vampires at school

Apparently, it's not the bloody truth. After stories spread that vampires were strolling the campus of Boston Latin School, the headmaster of the prestigious college-prep school put a stake in the rumors. Lynne Mooney Teta sent a notice out Thursday to faculty, students, and parents denying the presence of bloodsuckers. She declined, however, to offer details about the rumors.

Boston Police spokesman Eddy Chrispin said police were called to the school Wednesday after hearing of the vampire tales. Chrispin said he didn't know if the alleged vampires were among the student body or hiding in old corners of the building.

The school was founded in 1635, and its students have included Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, Louis Farrakhan, and Sumner Redstone.

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Murder She Wrote

Jessica Fletcher is the one they should have been investigating. EVERYTIME she pays a visit someone gets killed.

From Bild.com:

Police track DNA of a cotton bud maker for two years

Police in Germany hunted a sinister phantom killer for two years after finding the same DNA at 39 different crime scenes - only to discover that the source was a woman who made the cotton buds used to collect the sample!

The case was one of the most puzzling in recent times. Hundreds of detectives in six specialist committees were set to work hunting the ominous female serial killer.

...yesterday Bernd Meiners, a spokesman for the public prosecutor's office in Saarbrucken, revealed: “There are considerable doubts about the existence of the ‘phantom killer’. The DNA has instead been linked to investigation materials.”

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An Absorbing Experiment

In the tradition of Gimbels vs. Macy, Star Trek vs. Star Wars, and ninjas vs. pirates...

From Popular Mechanics: (h/t: The House Next Door)

Shamwow vs. Zorbeez: Which works Better? As Seen On TV Lab Test

...The Verdict: Shamwow, by a mile.

...Immediately out of the package, the burnt-orange Zorbeez looked a bit listless compared to the vibrant Shamwow. It had probably been sitting on a shelf a bit longer—it is a few years past its infomercial prime—but even so, its fleecy surface sparkled like fiberglass insulation.

After the first champagne flute tipped, though, it became clear that the Zorbeez was outgunned on this one. The Shamwow soaked three paper towels' worth of blueberry beer on a single swipe, but the Zorbeez pushed the liquid off the edge of the table. We sopped and wiped with both sides of the Zorbeez, but a single stroke of the Shamwow chugged the beer with fratboyish speed. We threw each rag into two deck chairs wet with puddles of melted snow—the Zorbeez sloshed some out on the ground while the Shamwow sucked it up as if with a straw. Disclosure: we actually caught ourselves whispering "wow" while the Shamwow worked—and as our earlier tests proved, that's no guarantee.

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Tastes Like Tang

I feel bad for the astronaut who first discovered it wasn't working. Yuck!

From Reuters:

NASA halts test of space station urine recycler

NASA called off tests of the International Space Station's urine recycler on Sunday after problems developed and revamped plans for Monday's spacewalk to fix an improperly installed cargo platform attachment.

...Engineers also were trying to figure out why a water purification system that recycles urine and condensate into drinking water was not working properly. The Discovery crew delivered a new distiller for the centrifuge-type device that was successfully tested without liquids on Saturday.

Problems developed during the first test run Sunday using urine.

"Once you closed valve 3 it didn't seem to flow," station commander Mike Fincke radioed to ground controllers. "I have no idea why that could be, so good luck with the trouble-shooting and we're standing by to answer any questions or be of any use."

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Cisco Fat Head

Some clown with the nick "theconner" actually posted this on Twitter:



From the Brandbuilder Blog:

If you aren’t familiar with this story yet, let me set it up for you:

1. Dude gets job with Cisco.
2. Dude posts less than enthused opinion about the Cisco job on Twitter (actually naming Cisco as his new employer).
3. Cisco employee on Twitter spots the post and promptly responds.
4. Dude blocks his Twitter updates (hides them from public view)… but it’s too late. The damage is done, and he probably spends most of the day wondering if Cisco will now rethink its job offer.

The domain "ciscofatty.com" was scooped up within seconds. Damn!
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So Long Andrew

Not that it'll make the slightest of dents in his blogospheric readership, but today I'm deleting Andrew Sullivan from my blog roll.

I used to enjoy his point of view. While I didn't see eye-to-eye with all of Andrew's criticisms of the Bush administration, his perspective did help to keep one honest.

My disenchantment started during the presidential election when his attacks on Sarah Palin went beyond her lack of experience (which I don't take issue with) but also included more than a few of his musings on the "scandal" concerning the possibility that her youngest child wasn't actually her's.

Fast forward to now: reviewing Sullivan's blog for the last few days, there's scant mention of the current administration's role in the AIG bonus payouts. Either he doesn't think it merits ANY attention from a journalistic standpoint or it demonstrates a certain intellectual dishonesty on his part. Regardless of how he feels, this HAS been a major news item and his silence does represent a sort of dog that isn't barking. In fact, lately Sullivan has put up MORE posts trashing Sarah Palin for various reasons (warrented or not) than the undeniable truth that the Treasury Department is still woefully under staffed during a time of financial crisis.

I just can't take him seriously anymore.
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Happy...Birthday...Bill

Today is William Shatner's birthday.

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Luckily, I'm an Ass Man

Here's a funny post from the blog of a computer security company describing a real scam involving an Asian Internet service provider. The Asian ISP attempts to scare foreign companies into using their services to buy ".asia" domains by claiming that someone else is in the market for that company's name.

The marketing (or IS) department for a company called "Acme" would be emailed the following (italics added):

Dear Manager,

We are a professional Internet consultant organization in Asia, which mainly deal with the global companies' domain name registration and internet intellectual property right protection. Currently, we have a pretty important issue needing to confirm with your company.

On feb 27th, 2009, we received an application formally, one person named "Jacques Tits" wanted to applied for the Internet brand "acme" and some domain names through our body.

During our preliminary investigation,we found that these domain names 'keyword and internet brand is identical with your trademark. I wonder whether you consigned "Jacques Tits" to register these domain names through us or not? Or is "Jacques Tits" your business partner or distributor in Asia? Currently, we have postponed this application of this company temporarily already. In order to deal with this issue better, please let the principal make a confirmation with me by telephone or email ASAP.

The same post also explains that according to Wikipedia:

"In mathematics, the Tits alternative, named for Jacques Tits, is an important theorem about the structure of finitely generated linear groups. It states that every such group is either virtually solvable (i.e. has a solvable subgroup of finite index), or it contains a subgroup isomorphic to the free group on two generators."

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Cheer Up Charlie

The opening sentence (italics added) HAS to be one of the most inane news article lead-ins I've ever read.

From CNN.com:

Charles Manson spends most of his time alone

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- In his latest mug shot, Charles Manson's wild-eyed stare is gone, as is most of his hair. Except for the swastika he carved into his brow during his murder trial, he could be any gray-bearded senior citizen.

If the photo authorities released early this week is any indication, the leader of a murderous band called "The Family," has mellowed some after almost 40 years in a California state prison.

Maybe this clip (from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) will help pick up his spirits.

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Tar Heels!

From ESPN:

...on a Tuesday afternoon in the White House Map Room, we wait for the president to fill out his official bracket. The oversized whiteboard, with a presidential seal, sits on an easel a few feet below a framed, formerly top-secret situation map from April 3, 1945. It details the strength of certain German divisions and includes projections for the German army for May 1, 1945.

...The most powerful person in the world is like many of you: He predicts the Tar Heels will be cutting down the nets in Detroit.

"I'm going with experience, and I think that Lawson is going to be healthy. I think having an experienced point guard who can control the game and make free throws at the end, that's going to be the difference," Obama said.

The commander in chief then turned to an ESPN camera, offering this pep talk for coach Roy Williams' crew:

"Now, for the Tar Heels who are watching, I picked you all last year -- you let me down. This year, don't embarrass me in front of the nation, all right? I'm counting on you. I still got those sneakers you guys gave me."

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If U Seek AIG Me

I love the smell of petard hoistings in the morning.

The controversial AIG bonuses seemed to have been paid out of the $30 billion made available by the CURRENT administration. Looks like a court battle looms. Good luck.

From Newsweek.com:

White House, Dems backpedaling on AIG

AIG bonuses have Democrats reeling, unable to blame Bush; Republicans go on offense

(WASHINGTON) For the first time since last fall's election, Democrats and the Obama administration are backpedaling furiously on an issue easily understood by financially strapped taxpayers: $165 million in bonuses paid out at bailed-out AIG.

Republicans, struggling to regain their political footing, are content to let Democrats try to dig their way out of this mess on their own.

Professing shock at the bonus payments, Democrats have embarked on a hurry-up effort to impose what amounts to confiscatory taxes on the bonuses, a maneuver that almost surely will be tested in the courts.

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It's Made Out of PEOPLE!!!

Obama-Fingers? At least it's not Obama-Toes!

From Spiegel.de:

Tender, Juicy Obama Fingers Hit the Shelves

A German frozen food company hopes to raise sales with a new product: Obama fingers. The tender, fried chicken bits come with a tasty curry sauce. The company says it was unaware of the possible racist overtones of the product.

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It's Pi Day!

Boy did I get strange looks at Denny's when I asked for my free dessert!

From piday.org:

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127372458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436789259036001133053054882046652138414695194151160943305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854807446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912983367336244065664308602139494639522473719070217986094370277053921717629317675238467481846766940513200056

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Super Stimulus

Everybody's hurting these days.

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Toot Once for Aye, Twice for Nay

I'm laughing at this like I'm still ten years old.

(h/t The House Next Door Online and my brother)

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And Keith's Girlfriend is Canadian

Hilarious RedEye segment skewering Keith Olbermann's reaction to an Ann Coulter column challenging his "Ivy League" status.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. And when I say "lady," I mean Olbermann.

BTW, RedEye is THE funniest current events talk show on TV. Too bad it doesn't air until 2:00AM.


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Even the Trailer Doesn't Measure Up

Trailers for The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 remake due out this summer and the original 1974 version.

Sigh. I hate to be so predictable, BUT I'm not impressed.

If the scene showing the crash of police car carrying the ransom money is any indication, my worst fears are confirmed and they're going to jazz it up Hollywood style.

It's also not clear how they're going to get around cell phones. These weren't around in the 1974, BUT ignoring them in 2009 leaves a HUGE plot hole.

I didn't hear the great theme music either.

I say just rent the original (my review from 2007).




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Mrs. Kravitz Was Right!

Abner, I told you she was a witch!!!


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Now They're in BIG Trouble

More proof that crime doesn't pay...

Some Offenders Skipping Out On Jail Time After Deferral

Offenders Who Try To Start Sentences Deferred Again

CINCINNATI -- Some nonviolent offenders told to come back later when the jails around Cincinnati have room for them aren't returning.

The deferrals are the result of budget cuts that led to layoffs at the Hamilton County Sheriff's office and forced closure of the county's second-largest jail.

About 23 of the 90 people told to check in with jailers in Cincinnati over the past month to see if they could start their sentences didn't call in.

Sheriff's officials said there will be no concentrated effort to find them because there aren't enough officers. Even the 67 offenders who did check in had their sentences delayed again.

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Now THAT's an Action Figure

Too bad they couldn't get GI Joe into the mix somehow.

Cougar Barbie:


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It's Hip to be Square

I tried to reserve a hall for the next one, April 4, 2016. But everthing was already booked. So, I had to settle for May 5, 2025. Then I'll party "Newmanium" style!!

From Yahoo News:

3/3/09: Math fans to celebrate Square Root Day

REDWOOD CITY, Calif. - Dust off the slide rules and recharge the calculators. Square Root Day is upon us.

The math-buffs' holiday, which only occurs nine times each century, falls on Tuesday - 3/3/09 (for the mathematically challenged, three is the square root of nine).

"These days are like calendar comets, you wait and wait and wait for them, then they brighten up your day - and poof - they're gone," said Ron Gordon, a Redwood City teacher who started a contest meant to get people excited about the event. The winner gets, of course, $339 for having the biggest Square Root Day event. Gordon's daughter even set up a Facebook page - one of a half-dozen or so dedicated to the holiday - and hundreds of people had signed up with plans to celebrate in some way. Celebrations are as varied: Some cut root vegetables into squares, others make food in the shape of a square root symbol.

The last such day was five years ago, Feb. 2, 2004, which coincided with Groundhog Day. The next is seven years away, on April 4, 2016.

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Poorly Constructed

Boy, I really missed the point of The New Yorker's "Contest #181."  I honestly didn't notice that the workers were mistakenly building something that was supposed to look like Stonehenge.   

That said,  I still think mine works.

Caesar's crazy if he thinks we can build this in just one day.

Here are the winners (and I will refrain from my usual whining):

• "Tell me you kept the box and receipt." - gets my vote
  
  
  
• "Typical client—wants a damn Parthenon on a Stonehenge budget." - a tad too obvious
  
  
  
• "Dude, Athena's gonna be pissed." - not bad, not great

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