Saturday, June 28, 2008

At Least They Have The Steelers

Popular Science has published an article on the "World's 10 Worst Cities."

Amazingly, Pittsburgh made the list. What a bad year for them. First they lose to Detroit (which ISN'T on the list) in the Stanley Cup Finals. Now this!

In any event, here's all ten:
  • Milan, Italy
  • Norilsk, Russia
  • Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
  • Mexico City, Mexico
  • Dakar, Senegal
  • Sumgayit, Azerbaijan
  • Linfen, China
  • La Oroya, Peru
  • Cubatao Valley, Brazil
  • Kabwe, Zambia

Read more!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Déjà Vu All Over Again?

What the hell was he thinking???

Tabloid T-Shirts

Associated Press:
The latest comments by Imus to come under scrutiny were aired on Monday's broadcast. During a conversation about Jones' run-ins with the law, Imus asked, "What color is he?" Sports announcer Warner Wolf said Jones — formerly known as Pacman — is "African-American." Imus responded: "There you go. Now we know." (Associated Press - June 24, 2008)

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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Crash Landing

The results of the 149th New Yorker "Cartoon Caption Contest" make me wonder if it's time to bail.

My submission:

"Remind me to check the fine print on those PriceLine deals more carefully."

This was miles above what the judges picked:

  • "Can I borrow your Cessna?" - zzzzzz

  • "Are you sure you're ovulating now?" - not funny

  • "Apparently, American now charges extra for landings." - mine's more subtle

Read more!

Monday, June 23, 2008

RIP: Father of the Seven Deadliest

In honor of George Carlin's passing, here's his "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television from Class Clown:

You know what the words are don't you (then without missing a beat):

  1. shit
  2. piss
  3. fuck
  4. cunt
  5. cocksucker
  6. motherfucker and
  7. tits

...and "tits" shouldn't even be on the list!

Good stuff!
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Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Usual Suspects

Once again, the runners up for the New Yorker's "Cartoon Caption Contest (#148)" are all guilty of mediocrity.

My entry is fair:

"Just take your time and tell me which one made you do it."

But the winners are lame:

  • "Will No. 3 please step forward and achieve satori." -- sucks
  • "It's always a problem for us when a crime is committed on Halloween." -- sucks worse
  • "By the way, we are not allowed to show the face or image of No. 6." -- sucks the most

Franky, NONE of them are better.

Read more!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

RIP: The Father of Negative Campaign Ads

Tony Schwartz, credited for the infamous "Daisy Ad" that many feel was instrumental in Lyndon Johnson's defeat of Barry Goldwater in 1964, died on June 15th.

Read more!

Monday, June 16, 2008

First Waterboarding, Now This?

Is it torture to make to make someone wear panties on their head?

I guess it all depends...

Rosie O'Donnell? Yes, that's torture.

Trica Helfer? No, and where can I sign up for questioning.

From June 5th, MSNBC (I love the last line):

Lawmaker gets to the bottom of panties torture

...In a debate about the way detainees are treated at Guantanamo Bay, California Republican Dana Rohrabacher argued that it's not torture to make suspected terrorists wear women's underwear on their heads.

Rohrabacher was taking issue with FBI complaints about inappropriate and potentially illegal tactics used to get al-Qaida detainees to talk. He said interrogation-by-panties was more akin to "hazing," not torture

...Rohrabacher declared he would never apologize for someone putting panties on the head of a 9-11 terrorist.

Read more!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Which Witch?

Like Keith Olbermann, I've never understood the the appeal of diva columnist and all around mediocrity Maureen Dowd.

As a writer, she's neither interesting, insightful or funny.

In her latest column she takes the Republicans to task:
It’s good news for Obama that Hillary’s out of the race. But it’s also bad news. Now Republicans can turn their full attention to demonizing Michelle Obama. Mrs. Obama is the new, unwilling contestant in Round Two of the sulfurous national game of “Kill the witch.”
But wait a minute, didn't Dowd herself spend the last few months tearing into Hillary Clinton?

I'll answer the question. Yes.

Here's just three examples of Down piling on Clinton:
  • Wrote: "Without nepotism, Hillary would be running for the president of Vassar."

  • Accused her of talking "girlfriend to girlfriend" to women voters while refusing to share the pain of being married to a sexually exploitative monster who had made her violate all her beliefs and principles

  • Regarding the idea that Clinton was "playing the woman-as-victim card," Down wrote: "If the gender game worked when Rick Lazio muscled into her space, why shouldn't it work when Obama and Edwards muster some mettle? If she could become a senator by playing the victim after Monica, surely she can become president by playing the victim now."

Read more!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

No Wonder They Suck

It looks like I'm not alone in my whining about the methodology behind the selection process for the New Yorker "Cartoon Caption Contest."

From Slate (June 2, 2008)

How To Win the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest need to know the selection process. The first line of defense at The New Yorker is the cartoon editor's assistant, a twentysomething from Texas named Farley Katz. The cartoon assistant reads every single caption—at least 6,000 per week—and passes his favorite 50 or so to the editors, who narrow the list down to three. If you won't make it past Farley, you will never get your name in print. Knowing how he thinks is crucial. The astute captioner will note that he used to be a rollercoaster operator at Six Flags and a telemarketer. He is an outsider who has never trod in the cemented garden he protects. He had to look up "urban ennui" when he arrived in New York—he didn't learn it riding the subway for 25 years. Exploit the fact that Farley is working off the same stereotypes of The New Yorker readership as you are.

Hmmm....Farley Katz doesn't sound like a REAL name.

More significantly, the May 22nd New York Post points out that the New Yorker isn't above plagarism.


Copy in New Yorker:

Read more!

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Something Smells Fishy

The results for the May 26, 2008 - New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest (#147)

My submission:

"Your Honor, I move to strike ALL of Mr. Ishmael's testimony"

The winners (the first one get's my vote):
  • "Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

  • "My client maintains that the penguin had a gun!" - sucks

  • "I demand a change of venue to a maritime court!" - sucks BAD

Read more!

Friday, June 06, 2008

"D" as in Diego?

I think they do this on purpose.

Google NOT only refuses to recognize June 6th for D-Day (a little thing that happened in Normandy which marked the end of WW2) with a special home page graphic, BUT they have the audacity to instead celebrate Diego Velázquez, some POS 17th century Spanish painter.

I should move my blog to Typepad in protest.
Read more!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Tastes Like Chicken


The wearers of the winged wheel overcame the curse of the "President's Trophy" to capture the Stanley Cup for the fourth time in eleven years after a Game Five win over the Pittsburgh Penguins (who darn near tied it up with ONE second left) for a final score of 3 to 2.

It's been a while since I got a "Team of Destiny" prediction correct.

With the Pistons out of the NBA Finals, I have to ask the question: "Where's Your Tiger?"
Read more!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

We Interrupt This Debacle...

Normally, I would have taken MSNBC, the Democratic Party's answer to Fox News, to task for interrupting John McCain's speech yesterday to announce that they were projecting Barack Obama's winning of the delegates he needs for the nomination.

This certainly could have waited a few minutes as a projection isn't exactly "breaking news."

However, given how bad McCain's stiff and stumbling performance was, I think they did him a huge favor by giving viewers something else to watch.
Read more!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Scat, the Final Frontier

Here's what the U.S./Russian space race has evolved into. No wonder the Soviets couldn't tackle "Star Wars" technology.

AFP - May 31, 2008

The International Space Station commode malfunctioned last week, forcing the three ISS astronauts to rig up a still-troublesome bypass for liquid waste.'

Discovery is taking along a spare pump from Russia, which the two cosmonauts on the station are expected to install as soon as the shuttle arrives.

Until the repair is complete, the three-member station crew will use the shuttle's toilet -- or they will use extra emergency bags that Discovery is also bringing.

Asked in Sunday's interviews who would do the plumbing repair, [NASA astronaut Michael] Fossum said: "The fact is that the toilet is Russian hardware ... (but) if they need a hand and some wrenches we'll help out."
Here's a demo of how the commode is SUPPOSED to work.

Read more!