Thursday, April 09, 2009

Obowma-Gate

I think that Obama should fire the "aide" and hire whoever quipped: "“He wasn’t bowing . . . he was ducking in case someone threw a shoe.”

From Chicago Sun-Times:

Did Obama bow to Saudi king?

A photo of President Obama apparently bowing in front of King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia is stirring a royal-size controversy.

...An Obama aide speaking anonymously denied that the president was bowing.

It wasn’t a bow. He grasped his hand with two hands, and he’s taller than King Abdullah,” the aide was quoted as saying by Politco.com Wednesday.


Read more!

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Rain of Terror

Here's another idea: Admiral Nelson could have the Seaview fire rockets at the Van Allen radiation belt.

From Forbes.com:

Obama looks at climate engineering

The president's new science adviser said Wednesday that global warming is so dire, the Obama administration is discussing radical technologies to cool Earth's air.

John Holdren told The Associated Press in his first interview since being confirmed last month that the idea of geoengineering the climate is being discussed. One such extreme option includes shooting pollution particles into the upper atmosphere to reflect the sun's rays. Holdren said such an experimental measure would only be used as a last resort.

It's got to be looked at," he said. "We don't have the luxury of taking any approach off the table."


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Turf War

Racist? No. Stupid? Yes.

Hairy uproar over drugstore Obama

New Yorkers may soon get a chance to say hail to the Ch-Ch-Chia Obama at local drugstores.The grassy-headed figurine of President Obama was pulled from Walgreens shelves in Chicago and Tampa after some people called it racist and company brass decided the new collectible was wrong for their image.

...[founder] Pedott said he was stung by suggestions that there was something racist about Chia Obama, which, if left untrimmed, appears to give the 44th President a healthy, if very green, Afro.

"Since when is an Afro racist?" asked Pedott, a Republican who voted for Obama. Owners can trim Chia Obama's "hair" to any length they want, he added.

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Monday, April 06, 2009

So Shall It Be Written...

Except for the 2nd one, the winners of The New Yorker "Cartoon Caption Contest" #186 should be banished to the desert for 40 years.



Moses is CLEARLY holding up a Chinese restaurant menu.  Thus, my entry:
"So, we just have to obey five commandments from column A and another five from column B, right?"
However, all but one of the finalist missed that point:
  • "And for you goats—thou shalt not marry a dragon or an ox." - WTF?


  • "And Commandments Eleven to Twenty are the same as One to Ten, just with tofu instead of meat." - can't complain, at least he got the menu thing.


  • "Read quickly. These are really heavy." - the New Yorker cartoon judges really suck!

Read more!

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Winston Smith's Diary

Not that anyone noticed, but yesterday, April 4th, was the twenty-fifth anniversary of Winston Smith's first journal entry in the dystopian novel 1984 by George Orwell.

My friends over at The House Next Door allowed me to commemorate the "occasion" with this post:

Last Night to the Flicks: 1984

"April 4th, 1984. Last night to the flicks. All war films. One very good one of a ship full of refugees being bombed somewhere in the Mediterranean. Audience much amused by shots of a great huge fat man trying to swim away with a helicopter after him, first you saw him wallowing along in the water like a porpoise, then you saw him through the helicopters gunsights, then he was full of holes and the sea round him turned pink and he sank as suddenly as though the holes had let in the water, audience shouting with laughter when he sank."
So begins the diary of Winston Smith, arguably one of literature's most famous journals, from 1984, written by Eric Blair—whose better-known pseudonym was George Orwell...

(Full post at The House Next Door)

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Saturday, April 04, 2009

I Prefer NAPping

I love the acronym: WILB ("workplace Internet leisure browsing"). I guess they couldn't come up with one for SCREWING AROUND.

Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

From Wired.com:

Facebook, YouTube at Work Make Better Employees: Study

Caught Twittering or on Facebook at work? It'll make you a better employee, according to an Australian study that shows surfing the Internet for fun during office hours increases productivity.

The University of Melbourne study showed that people who use the Internet for personal reasons at work are about 9 percent more productive that those who do not.

Study author Brent Coker, from the department of management and marketing, said "workplace Internet leisure browsing," or WILB, helped to sharpened workers' concentration.


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Thursday, April 02, 2009

Sour Apples

WAY back in September of 2007, I blogged about the iPhone early adopters who were miffed over it's sudden drop in price not long after its introduction. Ever the cynic, I got a chuckle out of it and singled out Jeremy, a self-described "savvy consumer," who posted a comment on Apple's discussion forum.

Apparently, someone who claims to be that same Jeremy (I have no reason to doubt it, I just can't verify it) found my post and replied to it the other day. How he found it I'm not sure. I can only guess that he googled his name.

To be fair, I've copied the entire comment below (bolds added). I only have three things to say in response.
  1. I don't think I'm an "ever-so-cool blogger". Smart ass, yes. Cool, no.

  2. I still manage to survive without an iPhone.

  3. The worse part of this entire episode is that when I googled Jeremy's name, my blog didn't show up until the THIRD page. Now THAT makes me feel screwed.

Here's Jeremy's comment:

Apple isn't the typical gadget company who intros a product and then drops the price. It was a total shock to see them do so, enough that Steve Jobs had to release a statement and give everyone some cash back. Apple has not before, or since, done the same thing with a product. I didn't buy the iPhone to be 'the first on my block' - and this is my problem with people like you. You assume everyone else is a sheep while you, the ever-so-cool blogger are fighting the herd by going your own way.

I've been a fan of Apple since 1986 when I used my 1st Mac. The iPhone was YEARS in the making (and waiting) for people who knew Apple could do 'the phone' in a way no one else could. As device convergence grew in demand, the desire grew for Apple to do what they do best... INNOVATE. The iPhone was one of those things that you always hope for, but realize might not ever happen. Sort of like hoping your favorite sporting team will win a championship... you often wait YEARS for the chance to be part of that. Or they finally get there and blow it (as a guy living in Ohio, I can
attest to that.). A couple times. In a row.

LOL - I love the title of your "article". iScrewed. Too funny. In addition to being an early adopter and getting to play with a phone that is WAY ahead of it's time 2 years ago, I also got a letter from the CEO apologizing for the sudden drop in price and an Apple Gift Card to make up for it. I'm waiting to hear what other company on the
planet would have done the same for their early adopters.

The only one who ended up getting screwed were people like you who made fun of everyone else while cheating yourself out of what is now the standard for handheld communication. - Jeremy

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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Military Industrial Simplex

(posted as part of the 3rd Annual White Elephant Blogathon at Lucid Screening)

Automatons - 2006 (B/W - 83 mins)
Director: James Felix McKenney
Writer: James Felix McKenney
Christine Spencer (The Girl)
Angus Scrimm (The Scientist)
Brenda Cooney (The Enemy Leader)


No sooner had I submitted my post for last year's "White Elephant Blogathon" that gave my reasons for why I thought Only the Strong was a bad film when I received this scathing comment from an apparent fan:

WOW! you are one harsh SOB aren't you?? Is there ANYTHING that you DO like? Let's see you go out and make a movie and let US tell you what we think about YOU! Let's see if you can do it better !!
While this really didn't change my opinion, it did remind me that, regardless of merit, certain films have blindly loyal followings.

So, before I watched Automatons, a low budget sci-fi flick replete with battling robots, I had to take a deep breath and try to cleanse my mental palette. Being selected as a "White Elephant" entry is no doubt a pejorative. I wanted to let the film soak in without any preconceived notions. Complicating things was the fact that I had just seen the Battlestar Galactica finale where the skirmishes between humans and Cylon toasters (both old and new style) reached epic, state-of-the-art computer generated proportions.

I tried to keep an open mind. I really did. But, alas, after the dust had settled (literally), Automatons left me unmoved. I give the film an "A" for effort and enthusiasm, but still a "C-" for execution (that's grading on the curve too).

The plot, as summarized on the Automatons site (yes, there's a website) is as follows:

Somewhere in the distant future, The Girl (Christine Spencer) is alone. She is the last of her people, the others having died in a generations-long war that she continues to fight with the assistance of a group of antiquated robot helpers and soldiers.

Her only connection to her long-dead people is a collection of recorded journal entries made by the scientist (Angus Scrimm) who cared for her as a baby. His is the only friendly human face she’s ever seen. The regular transmissions from her
enemy’s leader (Brenda Cooney) are always filled with threats and taunts. The girl responds to these invasions by attack of her own, carried out by her mechanical soldiers on the contaminated surface where no human can survive.

Men started this war. The machines will finish it.

It's clear that director James Felix McKenney was operating on a shoe-string budget. And he makes good use of it for the interiors. Just as Night of the Living Dead cleverly employed news broadcasts to advance the narrative, Automatons, which (except for the miniature exteriors) takes place entirely in an underground robot workshop, employs a similar device. The girl watches log recordings from her dead scientist mentor in which he outlines the history of how mankind ended up in its current state. Angus Scrimm does a great job with these mini monologues and his appearances work quite well as a film within a film. The manner in which he changes demeanor with each subsequent entree effectively captures the mood of the progressing storyline.

As director McKenny says in a press kit for the film (yes, it has a press kit), he was clearly inspired by 50's sci-fi outings:

AUTOMATONS is the robot film as I imagined it: men in robot suits combined with primitive models duking it out in a post apocalyptic wasteland. It’s in black and white, with bits here and there that are a little hard to see, just like on my TV set as a kid. And of course, there’s the bad dubbing and the low budget look required of every
B-movie. As with the many classic genre film is (sic) emulates, AUTOMATONS has a message about humanity’s tendency toward self-destruction and a cast of new and familiar faces.
The workshop scenes did indeed have the feeling of those old movies I used to watch as a kid on rainy Saturday afternoons. The production design even evoked memories of the original Outer Limits series (high praise indeed).

The problem I had with Automatons is that it really doesn't go anywhere and takes a LONG time doing it. Besides the video diaries (which, I repeat, worked great), we basically watch "the girl" soldering parts for the robots and fending off random electronic attacks from "the enemy leader" that cause the automatons to go buggy for a few seconds. By the time the "surprise" is revealed, that the war was the result of a big misunderstanding and really shouldn't have been fought in the first place (sort of a cross between The Huffington Post and Famous Monsters of Filmland), my interest had already faded.

BTW, the surprise is revealed to the audience through one of Scrimm's video logs that the girl happens to miss while her attention is elsewhere. The plot problem I have with this is WHY didn't she just watch ALL of the videos at once. Instead the girl rations them one at a time like someone with a low-end Netflix account. Had she viewed them all, she would have realized the folly of her ways and avoided the disastrous robot battle at the end. But then again, had she done that, she would have realized the folly of her ways and avoided the disastrous robot battle at the end. Which is why McKenny said he made the film in the first place.

This brings me to the title characters. The robots are WAY too cheesy looking to take seriously. To be fair, I sympathize with McKenney for not having the budget to do better. But, gee whiz! They look more like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz than killer machines. And the miniatures don't come across much better (see trailer below). McKenny lingers way too long on each shot. I was reminded of a high budget sci-fi film, 2001: A Space Odyssey. There's a scene where Astronaut Bowman uses the mechanical arms of the pod to open an airlock door that seems to go on forever. Every one of miniature exteriors in Automatons is paced like that. Just not as pretty to look at.

Once the final battle outside is over, the girl and her bots siege the enemy camp. Which looks like another underground workshop. The automatons sadistically slaughter the human inhabitants with spikes, saw arms, death rays, etc. For a film whose message is ostensibly about the horrors of war, there seemed a bit too much of an "ain't it cool" celebration of it.

Ultimately, the enemy leader finds herself pinned to a wall with a giant metal pipe sticking out of her chest. Yet, she musters up the strength to explain to the girl how much of a dupe she's been for waging the robot war for so long. I mean, it was a pretty serious looking pipe she has sticking out of her midsection and she's wasting time yelling at the girl. Anyway, as a last ditch effort, the pinioned combatant brandishes what looks like the control unit to a motorized race car set and threatens to unleash an electronic disruptor that will shut down all the robots unless the girl withdraws. As expected, the girl doesn't withdraw, fires a shot instead, and the enemy leader pushes the button. The dead enemy leader gets her final revenge as all of the machinery shorts out and stops. This includes life support equipment that the girl needs to survive in the toxic atmosphere. Of course, I'm still not sure why the girl didn't just wait. From the looks of her injuries, the enemy leader only had a few minutes to live. Did I mention there was a GIANT metal pipe sticking out of her chest? The last shot shows the poor doomed girl in the dark looking out a window at the barren landscape (actually, that shot worked pretty well).

Having said all of that, could I have done better? I dunno. But I do know this: for all its faults, Automatons is still WAY better than Only the Strong!


Read more!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

E-Vox Pop

As with their previous "we own all content" stance, Facebook blinks once again.

From CNN.com:

Facebook changes coming in response to user complaints

...Facebook has been deluged with feedback on its new layout, much of it negative but constructive, according to a blog posted Tuesday by Product Director Christopher Cox. Hundreds of thousands of people gave the redesign a thumbs-down in a user poll. And groups like "MEMBERS WANT THE OLD FACEBOOK BACK!" have formed to voice their discontent. While the social network isn't reverting back to the old page design, they are making a handful of changes to appease some of the outraged masses, according to Cox, who has also worked as director of human resources and software engineer at the company.

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Saturday, March 28, 2009

False Alarm

The LA Times reports that despite the report like the one below, "the California Air Resources Board said Friday that it has no plans 'at this time' to regulate car paint as part of a plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions — and never intended to outlaw black cars in the first place."

Thank goodness because "Men in Mud Puddle Brown" sounds no where near as cool as MIB.

From Autoblog:
California to reduce carbon emissions by... banning black cars?!

In a move that will likely get California's consumers in a huff, impending legislation may soon restrict the paint color options for Golden State residents looking for their next new vehicle. The specific colors that are currently on the chopping block are all dark hues, with the worst offender seemingly the most innocuous color you could think of: Black. What could California possibly have against these colors, you ask? Apparently, the California Air Resources Board figures that the climate control systems of dark colored cars need to work harder than their lighter siblings – especially after sitting in the sun for a few hours.

...can't paint suppliers just come up with new, less heat-absorbent dark paints? According to Ward's, suppliers have reportedly been testing their pigments and processes to see if it's possible to meet CARB's proposed mandate of 20% solar reflectivity by 2016 with a phase-in period starting in 2012, and things aren't looking good. Apparently, when the proper pigments and chemicals are added to black paint, the resulting color is currently being referred to as "mud-puddle brown."

Read more!

Friday, March 27, 2009

There's No Such Thing as Bad PR

I never noticed this before, but "Redstone" backwards almost spells "murder" (OMINOUS MUSIC).

Rumors bites! Headmaster denies vampires at school

Apparently, it's not the bloody truth. After stories spread that vampires were strolling the campus of Boston Latin School, the headmaster of the prestigious college-prep school put a stake in the rumors. Lynne Mooney Teta sent a notice out Thursday to faculty, students, and parents denying the presence of bloodsuckers. She declined, however, to offer details about the rumors.

Boston Police spokesman Eddy Chrispin said police were called to the school Wednesday after hearing of the vampire tales. Chrispin said he didn't know if the alleged vampires were among the student body or hiding in old corners of the building.

The school was founded in 1635, and its students have included Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, Louis Farrakhan, and Sumner Redstone.


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Murder She Wrote

Jessica Fletcher is the one they should have been investigating. EVERYTIME she pays a visit someone gets killed.

From Bild.com:

Police track DNA of a cotton bud maker for two years

Police in Germany hunted a sinister phantom killer for two years after finding the same DNA at 39 different crime scenes - only to discover that the source was a woman who made the cotton buds used to collect the sample!

The case was one of the most puzzling in recent times. Hundreds of detectives in six specialist committees were set to work hunting the ominous female serial killer.

...yesterday Bernd Meiners, a spokesman for the public prosecutor's office in Saarbrucken, revealed: “There are considerable doubts about the existence of the ‘phantom killer’. The DNA has instead been linked to investigation materials.”

Read more!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

An Absorbing Experiment

In the tradition of Gimbels vs. Macy, Star Trek vs. Star Wars, and ninjas vs. pirates...

From Popular Mechanics: (h/t: The House Next Door)
Shamwow vs. Zorbeez: Which works Better? As Seen On TV Lab Test

...The Verdict: Shamwow, by a mile.

...Immediately out of the package, the burnt-orange Zorbeez looked a bit listless compared to the vibrant Shamwow. It had probably been sitting on a shelf a bit longer—it is a few years past its infomercial prime—but even so, its fleecy surface sparkled like fiberglass insulation.

After the first champagne flute tipped, though, it became clear that the Zorbeez was outgunned on this one. The Shamwow soaked three paper towels' worth of blueberry beer on a single swipe, but the Zorbeez pushed the liquid off the edge of the table. We sopped and wiped with both sides of the Zorbeez, but a single stroke of the Shamwow chugged the beer with fratboyish speed. We threw each rag into two deck chairs wet with puddles of melted snow—the Zorbeez sloshed some out on the ground while the Shamwow sucked it up as if with a straw. Disclosure: we actually caught ourselves whispering "wow" while the Shamwow worked—and as our earlier tests proved, that's no guarantee.

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tastes Like Tang

I feel bad for the astronaut who first discovered it wasn't working. Yuck!

From Reuters:
NASA halts test of space station urine recycler

NASA called off tests of the International Space Station's urine recycler on Sunday after problems developed and revamped plans for Monday's spacewalk to fix an improperly installed cargo platform attachment.

...Engineers also were trying to figure out why a water purification system that recycles urine and condensate into drinking water was not working properly. The Discovery crew delivered a new distiller for the centrifuge-type device that was successfully tested without liquids on Saturday.

Problems developed during the first test run Sunday using urine.

"Once you closed valve 3 it didn't seem to flow," station commander Mike Fincke radioed to ground controllers. "I have no idea why that could be, so good luck with the trouble-shooting and we're standing by to answer any questions or be of any use."

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Cisco Fat Head

Some clown with the nick "theconner" actually posted this on Twitter:



From the Brandbuilder Blog:

If you aren’t familiar with this story yet, let me set it up for you:
  1. Dude gets job with Cisco.
  2. Dude posts less than enthused opinion about the Cisco job on Twitter (actually naming Cisco as his new employer).
  3. Cisco employee on Twitter spots the post and promptly responds.
  4. Dude blocks his Twitter updates (hides them from public view)… but it’s too late. The damage is done, and he probably spends most of the day wondering if Cisco will now rethink its job offer.
The domain "ciscofatty.com" was scooped up within seconds. Damn!
Read more!

Monday, March 23, 2009

So Long Andrew

Not that it'll make the slightest of dents in his blogospheric readership, but today I'm deleting Andrew Sullivan from my blog roll.

I used to enjoy his point of view. While I didn't see eye-to-eye with all of Andrew's criticisms of the Bush administration, his perspective did help to keep one honest.

My disenchantment started during the presidential election when his attacks on Sarah Palin went beyond her lack of experience (which I don't take issue with) but also included more than a few of his musings on the "scandal" concerning the possibility that her youngest child wasn't actually her's.

Fast forward to now: reviewing Sullivan's blog for the last few days, there's scant mention of the current administration's role in the AIG bonus payouts. Either he doesn't think it merits ANY attention from a journalistic standpoint or it demonstrates a certain intellectual dishonesty on his part. Regardless of how he feels, this HAS been a major news item and his silence does represent a sort of dog that isn't barking. In fact, lately Sullivan has put up MORE posts trashing Sarah Palin for various reasons (warrented or not) than the undeniable truth that the Treasury Department is still woefully under staffed during a time of financial crisis.

I just can't take him seriously anymore.
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Sunday, March 22, 2009

Happy...Birthday...Bill

Today is William Shatner's birthday.


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Saturday, March 21, 2009

Luckily, I'm an Ass Man

Here's a funny post from the blog of a computer security company describing a real scam involving an Asian Internet service provider. The Asian ISP attempts to scare foreign companies into using their services to buy ".asia" domains by claiming that someone else is in the market for that company's name.

The marketing (or IS) department for a company called "Acme" would be emailed the following (italics added):

Dear Manager,

We are a professional Internet consultant organization in Asia, which mainly deal with the global companies' domain name registration and internet intellectual property right protection. Currently, we have a pretty important issue needing to confirm with your company.

On feb 27th, 2009, we received an application formally, one person named "Jacques Tits" wanted to applied for the Internet brand "acme" and some domain names through our body.

During our preliminary investigation,we found that these domain names 'keyword and internet brand is identical with your trademark. I wonder whether you consigned "Jacques Tits" to register these domain names through us or not? Or is "Jacques Tits" your business partner or distributor in Asia? Currently, we have postponed this application of this company temporarily already. In order to deal with this issue better, please let the principal make a confirmation with me by telephone or email ASAP.

The same post also explains that according to Wikipedia:

"In mathematics, the Tits alternative, named for Jacques Tits, is an important theorem about the structure of finitely generated linear groups. It states that every such group is either virtually solvable (i.e. has a solvable subgroup of finite index), or it contains a subgroup isomorphic to the free group on two generators."

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Friday, March 20, 2009

Cheer Up Charlie

The opening sentence (italics added) HAS to be one of the most inane news article lead-ins I've ever read.

From CNN.com:
Charles Manson spends most of his time alone

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- In his latest mug shot, Charles Manson's wild-eyed stare is gone, as is most of his hair. Except for the swastika he carved into his brow during his murder trial, he could be any gray-bearded senior citizen.

If the photo authorities released early this week is any indication, the leader of a murderous band called "The Family," has mellowed some after almost 40 years in a California state prison.
Maybe this clip (from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) will help pick up his spirits.



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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Tar Heels!



From ESPN:
...on a Tuesday afternoon in the White House Map Room, we wait for the president to fill out his official bracket. The oversized whiteboard, with a presidential seal, sits on an easel a few feet below a framed, formerly top-secret situation map from April 3, 1945. It details the strength of certain German divisions and includes projections for the German army for May 1, 1945.
...The most powerful person in the world is like many of you: He predicts the Tar Heels will be cutting down the nets in Detroit.
"I'm going with experience, and I think that Lawson is going to be healthy. I think having an experienced point guard who can control the game and make free throws at the end, that's going to be the difference," Obama said.
The commander in chief then turned to an ESPN camera, offering this pep talk for coach Roy Williams' crew:
"Now, for the Tar Heels who are watching, I picked you all last year -- you let me down. This year, don't embarrass me in front of the nation, all right? I'm counting on you. I still got those sneakers you guys gave me."

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

If U Seek AIG Me

I love the smell of petard hoistings in the morning.

The controversial AIG bonuses seemed to have been paid out of the $30 billion made available by the CURRENT administration. Looks like a court battle looms. Good luck.

From Newsweek.com:

White House, Dems backpedaling on AIG

AIG bonuses have Democrats reeling, unable to blame Bush; Republicans go on offense

(WASHINGTON) For the first time since last fall's election, Democrats and the Obama administration are backpedaling furiously on an issue easily understood by financially strapped taxpayers: $165 million in bonuses paid out at bailed-out AIG.

Republicans, struggling to regain their political footing, are content to let Democrats try to dig their way out of this mess on their own.

Professing shock at the bonus payments, Democrats have embarked on a hurry-up effort to impose what amounts to confiscatory taxes on the bonuses, a maneuver that almost surely will be tested in the courts.


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Monday, March 16, 2009

It's Made Out of PEOPLE!!!

Obama-Fingers? At least it's not Obama-Toes!

From Spiegel.de:

Tender, Juicy Obama Fingers Hit the Shelves

A German frozen food company hopes to raise sales with a new product: Obama fingers. The tender, fried chicken bits come with a tasty curry sauce. The company says it was unaware of the possible racist overtones of the product.

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Saturday, March 14, 2009

It's Pi Day!

Boy did I get strange looks at Denny's when I asked for my free dessert!

From piday.org:
3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127372458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436789259036001133053054882046652138414695194151160943305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854807446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912983367336244065664308602139494639522473719070217986094370277053921717629317675238467481846766940513200056

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Friday, March 13, 2009

Super Stimulus

Everybody's hurting these days.


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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Toot Once for Aye, Twice for Nay

I'm laughing at this like I'm still ten years old.

(h/t The House Next Door Online and my brother)


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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

And Keith's Girlfriend is Canadian

Hilarious RedEye segment skewering Keith Olbermann's reaction to an Ann Coulter column challenging his "Ivy League" status.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. And when I say "lady," I mean Olbermann.

BTW, RedEye is THE funniest current events talk show on TV. Too bad it doesn't air until 2:00AM.


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Monday, March 09, 2009

Even the Trailer Doesn't Measure Up

Trailers for The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 remake due out this summer and the original 1974 version.

Sigh. I hate to be so predictable, BUT I'm not impressed.

If the scene showing the crash of police car carrying the ransom money is any indication, my worst fears are confirmed and they're going to jazz it up Hollywood style.

It's also not clear how they're going to get around cell phones. These weren't around in the 1974, BUT ignoring them in 2009 leaves a HUGE plot hole.

I didn't hear the great theme music either.

I say just rent the original (my review from 2007).




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Saturday, March 07, 2009

Mrs. Kravitz Was Right!

Abner, I told you she was a witch!!!


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Friday, March 06, 2009

Now They're in BIG Trouble

More proof that crime doesn't pay...

Some Offenders Skipping Out On Jail Time After Deferral

Offenders Who Try To Start Sentences Deferred Again

CINCINNATI -- Some nonviolent offenders told to come back later when the jails around Cincinnati have room for them aren't returning.

The deferrals are the result of budget cuts that led to layoffs at the Hamilton County Sheriff's office and forced closure of the county's second-largest jail.

About 23 of the 90 people told to check in with jailers in Cincinnati over the past month to see if they could start their sentences didn't call in.

Sheriff's officials said there will be no concentrated effort to find them because there aren't enough officers. Even the 67 offenders who did check in had their sentences delayed again.


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Thursday, March 05, 2009

Now THAT's an Action Figure

Too bad they couldn't get GI Joe into the mix somehow.

Cougar Barbie:


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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

It's Hip to be Square

I tried to reserve a hall for the next one, April 4, 2016. But everthing was already booked. So, I had to settle for May 5, 2025. Then I'll party "Newmanium" style!!

From Yahoo News:

3/3/09: Math fans to celebrate Square Root Day

REDWOOD CITY, Calif. - Dust off the slide rules and recharge the calculators. Square Root Day is upon us.

The math-buffs' holiday, which only occurs nine times each century, falls on Tuesday - 3/3/09 (for the mathematically challenged, three is the square root of nine).

"These days are like calendar comets, you wait and wait and wait for them, then they brighten up your day - and poof - they're gone," said Ron Gordon, a Redwood City teacher who started a contest meant to get people excited about the event. The winner gets, of course, $339 for having the biggest Square Root Day event. Gordon's daughter even set up a Facebook page - one of a half-dozen or so dedicated to the holiday - and hundreds of people had signed up with plans to celebrate in some way. Celebrations are as varied: Some cut root vegetables into squares, others make food in the shape of a square root symbol.

The last such day was five years ago, Feb. 2, 2004, which coincided with Groundhog Day. The next is seven years away, on April 4, 2016.


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Monday, March 02, 2009

Poorly Constructed

Boy, I really missed the point of The New Yorker's "Contest #181."  I honestly didn't notice that the workers were mistakenly building something that was supposed to look like Stonehenge.   



That said,  I still think mine works.
Caesar's crazy if he thinks we can build this in just one day.
Here are the winners (and I will refrain from my usual whining):
  • "Tell me you kept the box and receipt." - gets my vote


  • "Typical client—wants a damn Parthenon on a Stonehenge budget." - a tad too obvious


  • "Dude, Athena's gonna be pissed." - not bad, not great

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Saturday, February 28, 2009

It Was the Purple Dinosaur That Caused Nightmares

Words escape me. Oh wait, I have one: assholes

Disabled presenter 'scares children'

Vitriolic comments and complaints to BBC spark angry backlash by charities and parents in support of CBeebies' Cerrie Burnell.

Disparaging comments by adults about a children's presenter have led to an angry backlash in support of Cerrie Burnell, the 29-year-old CBeebies host who was born missing the lower section of her right arm. One man said that he would stop his daughter from watching the BBC children's channel because Burnell would give his child nightmares.

Parents even called the broadcaster to complain after Burnell, with Alex Winters, took over the channel's popular Do and Discover slot and The Bedtime Hour programme last month, to complain about her disability.

And some of the vitriolic comments on the "Grown Up" section of the channel's website were so nasty that they had to be removed.


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Friday, February 27, 2009

Talk About "Ass Wipes"

I could think of a better use for the Greenpeace national toilet paper ratings guide.  But I'm guessing that it would be too rough.

Mr. Whipple Left It Out: Soft Is Rough on Forests 

Americans like their toilet tissue soft: exotic confections that are silken, thick and hot-air-fluffed. 

The national obsession with soft paper has driven the growth of brands lik Cottonelle Ultra, Quilted Northern Ultra and Charmin Ultra — which in 2008 alone increased its sales by 40 percent in some markets, according to Information Resources, Inc., marketing research firm. 

But fluffiness comes at a price: millions of trees harvested in North America and in Latin American countries, including some percentage of trees from rare old-growth forests in Canada. Although toilet tissue can be made at similar cost from recycled material, it is the fiber taken from standing trees that help give it that plush feel, and most large manufacturers rely on them. 

Customers “demand soft and comfortable,” said James Malone, a spokesman for Georgia Pacific, the maker of Quilted Northern. “Recycled fiber cannot do it.” 

The country’s soft-tissue habit — call it the Charmin effect — has not escaped the notice of environmentalists, who are increasingly making toilet tissue manufacturers the targets of campaigns. Greenpeace on Monday for the first time issued a national guide for American consumers that rates toilet tissue brands on their environmental soundness. With the recession pushing the price for recycled paper down and Americans showing more willingness to repurpose everything from clothing to tires, environmental groups want more people to switch to recycled toilet tissue.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Two Year Studies Give ME Agita

Stories like this one in USA Today make we want to shout "NO SHIT!"  Or, at least, create an award with those words engraved into the front of it.
In 4-diet study, all lost weight if they watched their calories

When all is said and done, it comes down to calories.

A landmark study shows that people can lose weight on a variety of diets — including low-fat plans and low-carb ones — as long as they consume fewer calories.
I used to mock Morgan Spurlock, the guy who made Super Size Me, because it took him a full month to realize that pigging out at McDonalds each and every day will cause you to pack on some pounds. But, it took the bozos who ran this so-called "landmark" study TWO whole years to figure out that eating is the number one cause of weight gain!

Couldn't that research money have been better spent perfecting the electric car?

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Format They Can't Refuse

I just learned a new term: "E-Babel"

From Wired.com:

Amazon's E-Book Strategy Re-Kindles Debate on Open Standards

While many salivated over this week's arrival of "the iPod of the book world," supporters of open e-book standards are opining anew that the Kindle's proprietary format is not only bad for readers but, in the long run, probably for Amazon as well.

"Either Amazon will succeed in locking people in, at which point it will become a kind of mashup of the worst elements of the Recording Industry Association of America, Microsoft and the mafia, or they’ll fail," said Cory Doctorow, open source advocate, science-fiction author and co-editor of Boing Boing.  

The issue isn't about DRM protections on the books, but on Amazon's decision to create — and now perpetuate — a non-portable format that a) denies readers the ability to read e-books they buy from the company on another device and b) books they might buy from an e-books competitor on the Kindle.

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

My Big FAT Tuesday

I'm using the fact that today is Fat Tuesday as a lame excuse to post my favorite South Park song: "Kyle's Mom is a Big FAT Bitch."

It still makes me laugh like a ten year old and has 100% less calories than a paczki!


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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That...

This Post Secret struck a cord with me...

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Friday, February 20, 2009

I Hope I'm Not Protesting Too Much

As it reaches it's fifth birthday, Facebook has gotten a lot of it's own "face time" in the news. First, there was a bit of a brew-ha-ha over Facebook's new "Terms of Service" policy.  Then, this week's Fortune Magazine featured a cover story entitled "How Facebook is Taking Over Our Lives."

But the one that bugged me was Lev Grossman's article listing ten reasons "Why Facebook is for Old Fogies" in Time Magazine.  

Grossman states:
There was a time when it was cool to be on Facebook. That time has passed. Facebook now has 150 million members, and its fastest-growing demographic is 30 and up. At this point, it's way cooler not to be on Facebook. We've ruined it for good, just like we ruined Twilight and skateboarding. So git! And while you're at it, you damn kids better get off our lawn too.
First of all, the "middle-aged" user shown in the illustration looks like Alan Greesnspan (who is well past middle age).   I shouldn't blame Grossman for that.  I doubt he approved the picture. I'd also point out that the actual file name for that particular image is "a_lnerdworld_0223.jpg." But, I suppose, only a "nerd" would notice that.

However, all of the middle-aged lifestyle items Grossman lists may explain the surge in social-networking sites for that group in general, but, with the exception of number 5, doesn't really give any insight into WHY Facebook has more members than other similar types of websites, such as MySpace.  Curiously Grossman NEVER even mentions MySpace

My own theory for Facebook's success is that connecting with people in it is like having a cold beer with an old friend at a nice pub. MySpace’s environment, on the other hand, is the web equivalent of a urinal trough conversation in the men's room at a KISS concert.

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

His Ratings Ain't THAT Great

I just joined a new Facebook group called: Countdown: Cut Olbermann's GE Pay to $500,000!

The premise, asked with tongue planted only partly in cheek, is "GE took the federal TARP money, so why is Keith Olbermann paid over the $500,000 limit?"

To which one member replies: "Hey, designer frames and hair spray ain't cheap!"

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Republican Doonesbury

Here's a sample panel from Day by Day Cartoon that's a conservative response to Garry Trudeau.

It strikes me as about as funny as a typical Doonesbury.


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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

All Dollars and No Sense

A supposedly real conversation between Verizon and an understandably frustrated customer.

My favorite part is when the befuddled support manager, referrring to the math, claims that "it's obviously a difference of opinion."

(H/T: Sports Illustrated)


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Monday, February 16, 2009

In Your Facebook

On the surface, Facebook's new terms of service are meant to protect them from lawsuits by users who upload content that somehow ends up on other servers.  BUT, it does open up more nefarious possibilities as well.

From the Chris Walters at The Consumerist.com:
Facebook's New Terms Of Service: "We Can Do Anything We Want With Your Content. Forever."

Facebook's terms of service (TOS) used to say that when you closed an account on their network, any rights they claimed to the original content you uploaded would expire. Not anymore.

Now, anything you upload to Facebook can be used by Facebook in any way they deem fit, forever, no matter what you do later. Want to close your account? Good for you, but Facebook still has the right to do whatever it wants with your old content. They can even sublicense it if they want.

...Make sure you never upload anything you don't feel comfortable giving away forever, because it's Facebook's now.

Oh, you also agree to arbitration, naturally. Have fun with that.

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Sunday, February 15, 2009

Fire Over Texas

Interesting story out of Texas.

Burning debris seen falling from sky

A few days ago an American satellite and a Russian satellite collided 500 miles above the Earth. Preliminary reports by Williamson County officials said a small aircraft went down, but officials now say it's likely just space debris from two satellites
crashing.

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Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Fifth "One"

Christina Raines and accused murderer Drew Peterson on MSNBC. She's 24. He's 55 and suspected of killing two previous wives. She says he "has a good heart," and plans a summer wedding. What a sweet Valentine's Day story.


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Friday, February 13, 2009

She's Got a Great Set of Brains

Why does our society put so much emphasis on the size of a woman's head?

Yet another gem from The Onion:


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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Got Salma?

Take THAT Angelina Jolie!

From Time/CNN: "Salma Hayek, Breast-Feeding and One Very Public Service"

It was hard to pick ONE, but Hayak's most pretentious quote from the piece was when she said "I actually think that my baby would be proud to share her milk..."


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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Shovel Ready...?

Supposedly when asked about his predictions for the stock market, banking tycoon J.P. Morgan once replied: "It will fluctuate."

That's a bit how I felt after watching economist Joseph Stiglitz's MSNBC interview posted on Bob Westal's blog: "The Stimulus Battle — Some of My Part" (h/t The House Next Door). The segment focused on the current debate over President Obama's $900 billion (or more) economic stimulus bill.

I hate to oversimplify, but Stiglitz seemed to be saying that if a large enough package is implemented, then our economic woes should be over by the end of the year. ON THE OTHER HAND, we should be prepared for the recession to go on longer and get worse. No wonder my eyes glaze over whenever I listen to financial prognosticators. My bad for taking all those marketing electives in college instead of accounting.

I caught an equally interesting exchange between another noted economist ("Left Wing Marxist"), Dr. Jeffrey Sachs, and former GOP Congressman turned MSNBC host ("Right Wing Nut Job"), Joe Scarborough, as they expressed their own qualms about the current rush to pass the stimulus bill.

Sachs reiterated his concerns as expressed in a Huffington Post piece. He's basically supportive of the initiative, but does harbor some doubts:
...taking something highly flawed now rather than a better framework that is never enacted (!) would make sense. I regret and worry, however, that we haven't yet had the kind of public discussion about what's really needed for the medium term, and how we can get there. I don't really know if it's "now or never." If that's true, let's have the legislation now. It just doesn't feel right to me, however. And I do worry that the tax cuts and coming mega-deficits might well frustrate a subsequent convergence on a more meaningful and sustainable trajectory in the coming months and years.
They were joined by Sen. Barbara Boxer, a self described economics major, who was there to give her side of it. Frankly, Boxer sounded like an idiot. She started off by sighing over the fact that people are expressing "so much pessimism." Well, golly, did she watch the President Obama's press conference? How else but "pessimistic" would you call comparing our economy to a car driving toward a cliff?

It may have been a weak attempt at humor, but Boxer then acted like she'd never heard of the Congressional Budget Office. This was mostly in response to the CBO's mixed prediction, as reported in U.S. News and World Report, that the stimulus package could create jobs and increase GDP in the short term, but may actually reduce GDP in the long run. She quipped something about that being their opinion "whoever they are" (punctuated with air quotes).

The senator took predictable slams at Republicans who are now conspicuously back in their familiar and comfortable role of opposing deficit spending. While the GOP's current stance is somewhat laughable after eight years of silence, I don't know why Boxer and Obama even care what they think. Republicans can't stop the stimulus bill from passing. Their loud complaints are no more effective than a child's rant from the backseat of a car (headed towards a cliff?).

Well, it was a Republican, Richard Nixon, who famously observed: "We are all Keynesians now." Then again, another Republican, Judge Smells (Ted Knight in Caddyshack) also once commented: "The world needs ditch diggers too."


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Monday, February 09, 2009

Quool-Aid Quilt

I've been suspecting this for a while...


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Saturday, February 07, 2009

Tomb Raider Begins

Wired helps "get the ball rolling" with casting ideas for the Lara Croft reboot: Mila Kunis, Malin Akerman, Evangeline Lilly, Sienna Miller and Summer Glau.

From Wired.com:

Is there anybody out there, really, who can replace Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft?

Eight years after she brought the daredevil archaeologist to cinematic life in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Warner Bros. announced plans last week to reboot the franchise.

The new Lara Croft will have a tough act to follow. An exception to the videogames-make-lousy-movies rule, the original Tomb Raider grossed a whopping $275 million worldwide. But when fans weren't so thrilled with 2003's sequel, Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, Jolie moved on.


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Friday, February 06, 2009

Read A M'Fng Book!

This left me speechless...


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Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Colon Club

My initial reaction to the Colon Club website was to snicker like a ten year old at their traveling exhibit, The Colossal Colon or laugh at mascots dressed like a polyp and an enema bag.

But after finding out more about the founder, Molly McMaster, a colon cancer survivor who created the organization to raise awareness, I must say I wanted to smack myself in the mouth for being so glib.

This is one really brave lady who has the audacity to draw attention to this serious  illness with her own brand of self-deprecating humor.

For instance, one of their fundraising activities is the 2009 "Colonder" that features different survivors each month.

You go Molly! 

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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Well, Duhhh

The real sin is that GoDaddy thinks that Danica Patrick is still hot.

From Wired.com:
Christians Bailing on GoDaddy Due to 'Immoral' Advertising

GoDaddy's famously risque Super Bowl ads always pull lots of eyeballs, but the company's latest spots may have resulted in a little too much attention of the wrong kind.

Entrepreneur Brian Harrell, who manages hosting services for dozens of Christian churches and faith-based organizations and uses GoDaddy to host over 160 domains, says he's pulled several of his clients off of GoDaddy's servers after receiving numerous complaints about the company's racy ads that aired during Sunday's game...

...Christians are using GoDaddy.com for hosting? Haven't they seen the ads?

Harrell, who is a Christian himself, says he's no stranger to the ads or to the suggestive nature of advertising in general. But the ads are costing him business, and he feels it's time the company owns up to what he calls its "immoral and irresponsible" public image.

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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Two Buck Chuck

I still have a headache from trying to watch last night's Chuck in 3D.

It was horrible.  The effect worked sporadically and wasn't all that exciting.

I think this set the cause of Pepsi, Monsters vs. Aliens, and the hype surrounding 3D movies in general, back about 30 years.

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My Personal Ball and Chain

I think I got another bum rap from the New Yorker "Cartoon Caption Contest."



I liked my entry for #178:
"My cellmate doesn't understand me."
The winners:
  • "If anybody calls, I'm not here." - good


  • "I'd kill for some peanuts." - fair


  • "Most men drink to escape. I escape to drink." - did nothing for me

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Monday, February 02, 2009

Just Wait Until Super XXXXX

Has anyone stopped to ask if maybe it was the Super Bowl broadcast that was interrupting the Tucson?

Station says porn clip interrupted Super Bowl

PHOENIX (AP)—A Tucson television station’s broadcast of the Super Bowl on Sunday was interrupted for some viewers by about 10 seconds of pornographic material, the station said.

KVOA TV in Tucson released a statement saying that the only viewers who were able to see the material were those who receive the channel through Comcast cable.

The station said it will investigate the incident.

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Sunday, February 01, 2009

Patti, Natalie, and the Boss

With Bruce Springsteen slated to do the halftime honors during this year's Super Bowl in Tampa, I thought it appropriate to dredge up one of those minor life decisions that, because of my obsessive personality, takes up an inordinate amount of my time.

My iPod Shuffle is a few years old and, by today's standards, a relic. Imagine how disheartening it is for me to see that all the songs saved in my player would barely register on the space indicator bar of my kids' Nanos. As a result, I can't afford to make playlist decisions cavalierly.

This led to a bit of a dilemma for me when trying to decide which version of "Because the Night" to add to my music portfolio. I had to choose between Pattie Smith's, Natalie Merchant's or Springsteen's version of the song. This may be sacrilege, but even though technically "the Boss" was the first one to record it, I've never been a fan of his rendition. The 1978 song that was made famous by Patti Smith from her album Easter was actually written by Springsteen.

Full post at The House Next Door.
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